The Just Judge

The ambulance is becoming my "thought box." Patients, circumstances, and co-workers often cause me to think and reflect and God and what He's give me. As emergency calls were few yesterday, I had a lot of time to spend in thinking in my thought box. And here's one trail of thought that my mind followed:

Being able to be forgiven whenever is a big hang up for many people.

So you say God is just and fair. Good. But tell me this: How is it that this "just God" will give the same "reward" to someone who did every sin in the book, asking for forgiveness only with his last breath, as to someone who strived after goodness and righteousness all his life?

Why is it?

Why, because God is not really concerned with sin at all, rather He's concerned with Jesus, love, and us. It's an entirely different focus. It's no matter how, who, or what sins you do. All that concerns God is that you are reconciled to Him and recognize His Son as Lord and King. Sins and wrongs, my friends, are of little importance to God.

Puke of the brain

I saw a shooting star.

"Puke of the brain" is a Dani California phrase.

The crickets are louder then Norah Jones.

A jogger cools down in the dark.

I'm researching the lifepak 12. Homework -thanks to my preceptor who swore that he would make me cry before my 4 weeks with him were up. Maybe when I retire from the emergency field, I'll take up poker.

I laid hands and prayed the Spirit over two people today; and they weren't healed. I'm still trying to believe -with that faith I've never had. If you know my back ground and are wondering why I would even do such a thing, this explains it (open "how to heal the sick").

Cars idle at the stop sign at the bottom of the hill.

Bugs keep falling on my keyboard, as though they've been shocked by the light. I wonder if my brain is being shocked and falling down down. Like a fly.

I talked with photographers, painters, wood carvers, and metal workers today at the 10th annual Town Center Plaza Art Show. I accepted their business cards, wishing in my mind that I had a place to put their $2500 works of art. And wishing that I could create $500 pieces of worthless decorations.

I go back to work tomorrow. I wonder if I had another 24 hrs off, if anything would change.

God loves me -more then anything. And I love Him -more then anything. He loves me more, though; I wish I could love Him more, too. But I don't. I know one day, my love will increase. But the best part is, He loves me.

The place in my mind I didn't want to go

Driving is my prime thinking time. If ever I need "a break," and cannot go for my classic meandering walk across open ground, I dash for the Sheep Jeep. Hardly pausing to unlatch the emergency brake, I'll role down the windows, find a CD that plays sister to my mood, and envelope myself with my thoughts.


Last night was one of those times. And here, my friends, is my epiphany: I like... no, I love, all people. A little humble, eh? Just wait...

In moving to the midwest, one of my biggest fears was that I might find myself racist. What?! I knew in my head that we are all equal, that we were all created in God's incredible image. Differences in culture and skin color I tend to enjoy -but would I here? Here where there was strong concentrations of different "people groups"?


In the Northwest, I was rarely presented with those types of differences; albeit, I was raised on a Native American Reservation, my siblings are from around the world, and the population style is extremely diverse.

For some reason, my heart was wary over what my reaction would be. But last night I realized I loved every sort of people; and it was my selfishness which brought along my fear. I was scared that "they" would view me differently, treat me differently, react to me differently.

Now, my heart knows what my head had already realized.


God loves, and He was given me love -it is so incredibly exciting. Ah, yes, His strength is made known. And He is so delightful!

P.S. My drive took me to Longview Lake.

A new joy

I'm standing, shifting my weight from one foot to the next.

The guys would be picked through first. Then the girls would be sifted through. Girlfriends/crushes usually made the first cut. Second were the athletic ones, then came "You take one, we'll get the other." Or if there happened to be an odd number, we were "lumped."

Today though, I had my "A" game on. It felt good. And I tried to keep the bounce from my step as I went to high-five my teammates. Several tube-socked, gangly guys were still shifting from one foot to the other in the line-up.

I was chosen. I wasn't a left-over. I wasn't a "you're on my team because we're nice and play with everyone; and just to show you how nice we are, we'll toss the ball in your direction occasionally." No. I was chosen.

And He has chosen me. If there was ever a team that I would want to be chosen for, this is the ultimate. It's as though the universe had Olympics, and I was chosen for our solar system's team (wonder what our jersey's would look like)... only better.

God didn't invite me because I had something to offer Him. I've minimal talent, looks, brains... yeah... all that (see humbled beyond comfort). No. Rather, because He is.

God has never left me shocked or despaired; He is the God of Hope and the Prince of Peace. But He needs to be God. He needs to be put in His rightful place.

I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above Him were seraphs, each with six wings: with two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of His glory.'
At the sound of their voices the door posts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
'Woe to me!' I cried, 'I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.'
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the alter. With it he touched my mouth and said, 'See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atone for.'
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?'
And I said, "Here I am. Send me!"
He said, "Go..."

God has chosen me. And He knows me, whom He has called.

The Creator's pallet

This is what I call color for the soul. Look hard. Drink deep. Know that God is.

Girl meets God

I was recently asked to share "my testimony" in a small group of girls that I meet with every Sunday night. My curiosity about testimonies was pricked and for the past couple of weeks, I've been praying and fasting about it. Yeah, okay, so I wasn't fasting, and my prayer didn't involve any sack cloth... it was, however, sincere. I realized that it isn't my testimony at all, but God's (something my mind had been aware for a long time, but my heart had yet to grasp.)
So here it is, in all it's classic form:

Girl meets God. Knows little about God, but falls in love anyways. Makes a commitment. Tells everyone. Lets time go by. Realizes she also let God go by.
Girl wants to be with God.
Girl is angry at herself for ignoring God. Tries to punish herself, by letting more time go by. Is really sad.
God loves girl. Comforts girl. Girl loves God more then before. Tells God. They are happy.
Girl lets time go by. Realizes she also let God go by.
Girl wants to be with God.
Girl is angry at herself for ignoring God. Tries to punish herself, by letting more time go by. Is really sad.
God loves girl. God teaches girl about His love. Girl lets God forgive her. Girl loves God more then before. Tells God. They are happy.
Girl lets time go by...
God loves girl... Girl loves God more then before...
Girl lets time go by....
God loves girl...
repeat

God and life

I think I'm growing up. No, I think I really am (maybe that I think I am growing up, or that I pay a close enough attention to think that I am, is sign of how self-centered and immature I really am).

You see, though, I have moments, when all those little me-oriented things don't matter. Those worries are blown off by the wind of the Spirit, and I can honestly say that all I desire is my Lord, my Jesus. It's like the proverbial veil lifts and what I struggled to see before, is now bright before me.

And those times are becoming more frequent and last a little longer... like that veil is being snagged on something... perhaps it's getting a little frayed from all the use, and one day, will fall to the ground in a heap (and I will know as I am known!).

And yet, even grown-ups are given sweet earthy things to enjoy... such as ginger cookies and Orange-spice tea on a snowy April day in Portland... without the ginger cookies.