Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Middle man

I'm a middle man.

I open books to the middle, and usually close them before reaching the end. When telling a story, I jump straight to the crux (this makes for a super lame story, but that's beside the point), clumsily avoiding the background. In relationships, I despise the "top three" type of questions in the getting-to-know-you stage; and I cry when I hug goodbye.

I've gotten better at saying good-bye these last few years, though. I've developed a method that almost always works for me: I simply don't think about it. I know, brilliant, right?

This method, however, takes utmost concentration in not concentrating. It's all zen, in trying to relax, breath and not channel your thoughts; I'm sure it must have some "green" properties, too, since zen and green are in a relationship -dating, but not boyfriend and girlfriend. It's okay, I don't get the concept either... but I'm sure zen and green do.

I find this method as exhausting as building up my core muscles on a skinny, little, pink, green or blue pad. I've always subconsciously thought that the more sad I am when leaving someone, the more it meant that I enjoyed our time together.

Beginnings are awkward. Endings are the end. Put me in the middle, please; I like it there.


Then I found this qoute:
"How lucky I am to have something that makes good-bye so hard" -anonymous

Breath in... now let it out. Good, now relax. That's fine, work through it. Okay, now just let the mind wander, don't think about Portland, don't think about the last time at the Sherwood Coffee Company, don't think about the last time listening to Peter talk at the Gathering, don't think about the last time you will pull into the drive at 16351 Pleasant Hill, don't think...

Saturday, April 19, 2008

God and life

I think I'm growing up. No, I think I really am (maybe that I think I am growing up, or that I pay a close enough attention to think that I am, is sign of how self-centered and immature I really am).

You see, though, I have moments, when all those little me-oriented things don't matter. Those worries are blown off by the wind of the Spirit, and I can honestly say that all I desire is my Lord, my Jesus. It's like the proverbial veil lifts and what I struggled to see before, is now bright before me.

And those times are becoming more frequent and last a little longer... like that veil is being snagged on something... perhaps it's getting a little frayed from all the use, and one day, will fall to the ground in a heap (and I will know as I am known!).

And yet, even grown-ups are given sweet earthy things to enjoy... such as ginger cookies and Orange-spice tea on a snowy April day in Portland... without the ginger cookies.